Joining in Children’s Play: The Power of Connection, Identity, and Healing

One of the greatest privileges we have as kaiako is the chance to step into a child’s world through play. Too often, play is still dismissed as “just play” – something light, fun, or even optional. But if you’ve spent time truly watching children at play, you’ll know it is anything but. Play is how children make sense of the world. It’s how they learn, how they connect, how they heal, and how they build their identity.

As Te Whāriki reminds us, children grow through their relationships with people, places, and things. Play is the vessel for those relationships. It’s not just about learning concepts; it’s about belonging. It’s about identity. It’s about being seen.

Play is a child’s language — through it, they feel seen, valued, and empowered.

Play is a Child’s Language

Play therapist Garry Landreth says it best: “Play is the child’s language and toys are their words.” Children don’t sit down and give us a verbal TED Talk about how they’re feeling, what they’re scared of, or what they’re working through. Instead, they show us in their play. A child might bury dinosaurs under the sand again and again, telling us something about loss or control. Another might line up every car in the room, seeking order and predictability in a world that feels uncertain.

When we, as teachers, join in—not to control, but to witness and to honour—we step into that language. We say: I see you. I hear you. You matter.

The Healing Power of Play

My own journey into child-centred play therapy through ChildPlayWorks NZ transformed the way I teach. I no longer see play as something I “set up” for children, but as a sacred space I’m invited into. Children use play to heal. They use play to test out their ideas about safety, power, relationships, and belonging.

And here’s the thing: not every child experiences power, choice, or even being truly heard at home. For some, the early learning environment may be the one place where they feel in control, where their voice matters, where they are valued. Erikson’s psychosocial theory reminds us that these early experiences of autonomy and independence are crucial stepping stones toward confidence, identity, and eventually self-actualisation.

We have the power to provide that. We can be the safe space, the steady adult, the validating voice that helps a child see themselves as competent, capable, and worthy.

Exploring together builds curiosity, connection, and joy.

Why Joining in Children’s Play Matters

Joining in isn’t about directing or teaching a mini-lesson. It’s about presence. It’s about curiosity. It’s about celebration. The “Power of Joining In” is that it shifts us from observers of play to participants in children’s worlds.

When we crouch down beside a child at the sandpit, copy their movements, and follow their lead, we’re doing something profound:

• We’re building trust and deep connection.

• We’re seeing the world from their eyes.

• We’re validating their ideas and uniqueness.

• We’re influencing their sense of identity in positive, lasting ways.

This isn’t just nice-to-have. This is the core of our role.

A Call to Every Teacher

To every kaiako reading this—whether you’re brand new or have decades of experience—I want to challenge you: never underestimate the impact you have when you join in. Play is not separate from teaching. Play is teaching. It’s where the curriculum lives, where wellbeing is nurtured, and where healing happens.

Every time you kneel down and enter a child’s world of play, you’re offering them more than company. You’re offering them belonging. You’re offering them validation. You’re offering them hope.

And for me, that’s the real magic of early childhood education.